Visiting the Orphanage

I hope that before your first visit, you have read at least one book about internationally adopted children. If you have, you will understand the first meeting and why it probably will not be as you dream it; at least you should hope so. What I mean is that it is a good sign if your child wants nothing to do with you. For a young child, if they cry or start into a tantrum it is a great sign! For an older child, if they are standoffish, all of this is great! Why? This means that they trust and are at least somewhat attached to their caregivers. If they are at all attached to their caregiver, this means that they will attach to you. A child wanting your attention right away and being overly attentive and nice to you is an unattached child. Of course, all this can be corrected if you learn how to- which is why I highly recommend reading EVERYTHING you can get your hands that has to do with international adoption and parenting adopted children. I say this because the dream of you seeing each other and experiencing love-at-first-sight is not the ideal scenario.

Your first visit you will be taken by your facilitator to become familiar with the staff and the child. Do not bring anything this day except maybe that stuffed animal or initial gift for the child. Video and photograph this first meeting, regardless of how it all plays out because it is still an important chapter in your family’s life.

Usually, the second meeting is when you will meet with the child’s orphanage director and their doctor. At this time you will be given an opportunity to ask all the questions you have. If this is not the situation, make sure you receive a clear answer of when you will be able to ask your questions. I will provide a sample list of questions that I have compiled through reading and research. This second day is also when the orphanage may allow you to bring snacks in for the children. Do not bring snacks in without permission as the children are on a strict eating schedule. With older children this may not matter.

You will have many visits that are just you and your spouse bonding with your children.

Either the day before your child is picked up or the day of, some orphanages allow you to have a mini-party for your child’s going home. Celebrate this if given the opportunity. You will be able to bring snacks and other goodies for the children in the group. At this time you will also bring the gifts for the caregivers and orphanage director.

Take many, many pictures of all the locations of the orphanage. Photograph where they eat, sleep, and do all of their business. During each visit take as many photos and as much video as you can. If you have internet, share these photos with your family via your blog, email, or even Facebook. It was very comforting for my family to see our progress and to see their new family member.